Philip J. Goscienski, M.D.
There obviously won't be a need for physicians in Heaven so if I manage to get there I'll need another occupation. I thought I'd like to become a roving reporter (RR) and my first subject would, of course, be God. Here are some of the questions I'd ask Him.
RR: Why couldn't you make broccoli taste like chocolate?
God: Well, you know that chocolate comes from a plant so it actually has some health benefits, like lowering your blood pressure and helping people, especially women, to relax. Broccoli really tastes pretty good if you prepare it right but when you were on earth you just boiled the Hell out of it. Don't blame me for that! You could have used a little imagination. Why do you think I gave you all those spices?
RR: A cousin of mine wondered why you made it so easy for men to lose weight and so hard for women. And look where you put women's extra fat! My cousin said her top half was a size 2 and her bottom half was a size 12. Didn't Eve ever complain about that?
God: Eve was never very logical — spent too much time worrying about how she looked after she ate the apple. I made it easier for her to add fat in case food supplies ran low while she was pregnant with Cain, and while she was nursing him. The fat was for the baby and I put it on her hips so that it wouldn't get in the way when she got pregnant with Abel.
I made the guy's fat the kind that burned quickly in case he and the boys were out hunting for a few days and didn't have time to bother cooking. And it didn't make sense to put their fat on the thighs. They wouldn't be able to run nearly as fast, and the chafing while running! Can you imagine the complaints I'd get?
RR: Even though I was a pediatrician I had a tough time trying to get my kids to eat new foods. You could have hard-wired them to eat anything, especially broccoli.
God: Are you kidding? If I hard wired them to eat anything they'd eat every plant in sight, and some might kill them. They only eat what they see their parents and siblings eat, so they know it's safe.
RR: I guess you really do know everything.
Philip J. Goscienski, M.D. is the author of Health Secrets of the Stone Age, Better Life Publishers 2005. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.